Semlm before kelas pun sia sudah bole rasa ..yg sia akan ada bad feeling and bad mood about all these adik rizal things and about this 'lady L' things..
Last week things btwn D,J and R had make me felt so sad bcos of their simply lie of stories whether they are busying with their works or they enjoying watching movie having dinner thg. I dun minda if they have their time together actually. I dun ask them to call us up and ask us to go having dinner together coz it's their life, who am I tto instruct them wat to do. But ini, ceritanya lain. Sia mmg pagi tu baru jer baik dgn adik rizal..coz of yg dia suddenly ndak layan sia ..dia tdk reply msg dia , dia tutup pon sia setiap kali dia angkat..rasa salkthati ka ndakklu org buatmctu!
sia cuba sudah utk just forget about the part yg dorg tu lie..infront of our face..the facts that it came out from someone mouth and i kununnya 'menuduh' dorg yg bukan2 without any confirmation. I sacrifce my dignity for that and i know..kalu lama2 pun sia bring benda nie..akan jadi isu nanti and sooner or later, kami terpaksa jugak berckp..melainkan kami tdk bekawan.
But i don't want that tio happen. I love them and still want them to be my friends. Eventhou i know it's still too early to trust them and to believe that they want it more than i do.
'adik'..the lil'bro..yg sia sudah anggap as my own bro..did that childish attitudes..to me..and act like we are in some kinda' fight until he feel that he want to treated me like a 'dirt'..kejap nak layan, layan baik sgt but kejap tak nak layan, dia layan mcm sia nie ..stranger sgt! Wat the hacks!
On Monday starting, I had tried to msg him,call him but he keep ignoring. I dun know why coz..D & J had already explained to me exactly wat happened , so i understood their explanation la. But this kid, seem so much of a head hammer whom can't even let it be ok..sengaja jugak cari hal dgn sia! Semlm (friday), sia ada terjumpa dia ...bercerita dgn Anis di gym, when i talked to anis, he saw me ...and i did smile at him..but he saw me like i'm invisible..he gave a little smile ..there..but with not sincere way...so i know ..he's still being 'chiildish'..!
lepastu, masa class,dia ndak masuk..ndak taula.napa..but..after class, someone bagitau sia yg dia nampak adik berckp dgn akak sentap..dorg..tgh berckp somethings..about balik jam berapa??from that moment..i know, he want to go back with that...;lady with 2 faces'...yg namapk sgt teringin mau kawan dgn the guys..so, wat more i shd say??dia tau maybe sia ndak bertegur dgn adik..skrg and dia jugak suruh sia buat masa tertentu jan..call or msg adik..then skrg ..dia jugak bah kan yg mau menyelit masuk utk jadi kawan adik la.
Sia bukan jeles or saja maubuat cerita but it's the fact...why on earth, he only informed kak ajie that she goin' off with adik to see Dwen! why ???Shy she didn't tell me or cilla that she want to go visit dwen yg tgh sakit teruk (as what informed by adik in his msg)
From the beginning we knew dwen and adik, that time pun i can see that she was into him..since adik had tell her that he want to match making dwen and her, i think that's why she feel so so..into it and hope that it come true! So now, I had inform adik to let him know ..i dun care that the akak sentap tu nak dwen,ambil la..as i dun even care..and bother to berebut dgn dia. Macam setiap kali ada ja alasan dia utk dekat dgn the guys..so, let it be la! tapi jan ja buat sia nie mcm batang kayu, sekejap..senang2 dia mau layan.dia layan,tdk mau layan,dia tdk layan..same as adik R. Haritu, sentapkan kami bila dia tdk ckp apa2..masa turun bawah..sekali, then dia ckp terus mau balik,lambat sudah...that time me and cilla..mati2..ingat kami semua makan bersama but ..the fact was dorg..balik sama2..(tu ndak kisah lagi)..rupa2nya..mau makan bersama..dekat dgn rumah dorg sana..wah..lagila..Happy akak tu! Takde kami utk menghalang niat dia di hati..Napa ah..org sanggup buat mcmtu?? sia sedar sia pun bukan perfect sgt in life..and as a person, but atleast..i dun ditch my fren in front of the person i known for yrs..when suddenly..she found new friends! I feel so mad sometimes..to see she being someone ..that so 'pentingkan diri sendiri'..okla..dia mau sgt guy tu, ambil la..or atleast ckpla..ckp la..yg dia suka that guy and then dia mau sama2 dgn dia...i hope u girls dun mind if i want to be alone with him! like that...if she dare enough to do it, then she should dare to say it too..bah~!
sia sakithati bcos of niela..ada kawan pun cm teda..! i know..i'm too trust that the friendship of me and 'adik' will went out good and i trust on 'kak sentap' that she was a sincere friend that wanna true friend and will ditch old friends just like that! I;m too stupid to believe it until i hurt my own feeling at the end~~
last nite, i stayed to 3 am in morning and chatting with zaza..in FB..she knew some part of it..and she gave advices..on that matter..i understood eventhou some part in kinda' look like i'm the one that to be blame and I look like a stupid friend..but i appreciated he thoughts and advices..! Cilla is the only friend that had known me for yrs beside my old friends and she the one that had seem the real me..had known me inside out..and had seem how i'd burt for few times in life. Adn I really really glad that she is my Best friend..and my sister! Maybe ...i was too hoping for new friends so that my life with cilla will not be too boring..we only had each other while ..Jackie..always not at home..and normally with boyfren..so, wat friends does we got for each others? it's my mistakes la that this things had to be happen like this,..and..i been so hurt~
Thanks again for the both people who had makes my day so...lame last nite..! cried and cried..until..today.
I had msg Adik all the feeling I have keep thru this few weeks..and the frustration i've been thru. He replied at last ..but I don't want to talk nicely to him after this..just let it be wat suppose to be- IGNORING HIM FOR GOOD! that's what play inside my mind! cos..he never care about my feeling at 1st but why i want to care abt his or about kak sentap's feeling??
i had enough of this drama..and this..lier..let it be them and I be myself.
KAwan or lawan??this had to depends on wat will happen after this..la.
Zaza even email on the planning for Adik birthday party next month, which i dun think i be able to attend..i just dun want to make things worst..that time dgn adik yg tdk mau tegur sia..langsung and dgn..akak sentap disana..yg mula meluatkan sia..i dun know if i can pretend to be like them ..being happy and having fun but actually it full with...awkward situation~!
Just let God decide..my destiny then.
