THE 'ALL BY MYSELF' ...FEELING

It's had been one week i skip from typing things inside my blog. Kind of a really busy, havoc & tired days..lately. Not even manage to open myblog cos of time consuming. So lazy to open and update blog...!
For the whole week..not much things happened. Only a few of tragic story..one of it was the Kampar's Bridge at the Kampar River was collapsed on 27/10 (if not mstaken) and few young students (kids) missing after drop to the river while they are crossing to/from their camp site. I think it's just far abit from the place that where we used to went -Adeline Resthouse - camp place that we went for last few months.And of cos, i was informed that RiverBug's crews join to give helping hand to find the missing victims-yes...it's sad to know that a very decent children that died in that incident. Just hope that the soul will R.I.P with God '. End of the story.

Tonite...it's a chilling feeling I felt ..All in a sudden I felt mylife had started 'gloom'. I feel that mylife was not the same as before. All in 'blank' ...empty..and alone.
THe feeling yet so ...'tasteless' and it was not good. I remember all those nostalgia that i used to have back in few years. I gained my strength by people who surrounding me. I feel the sunrise when i talk to them. I feel strong & energize when they be there for me..in up & down.
I feel the presence of all life things when they shine on me..

I start mylife not like I used to be...I cut half of my own..life by being silent, i'm being pessimistic in anythings, I rarely smile..I keep my distance..away from anyone, I let myself locked up in a 'dungeon' .
I didn't wish to be these ways. I didn't hope to be trapped in this feeling & behaviors. How I hope it could be just as simple as 'ABC'...where..i learned and I forgot but I will memorise it without it troubling me. How i wish I want to have a life full with things to be happy about instead of being 'sad & tense' about somethings that keep making us hurted & painful. I wish i can be 'Happy Go lucky' ...like last time..
The room seem so small for me now. I saw some of the photo standing at the table, that remind me of the happy memory i used to have.the ...family i miss alot, the friends & love one that i lost either to life or dead.
It all had changed.....
I don't know why i feel so suffocating when I think of the bad things that happened.
I want to let it go...I want to make myself..touch the goodness instead of badness.

THERE'S ONCE UPON A TIME..

Every Photos have it's own stories..and Here are mine..

I attached these photos..because it had bring alot of memories to me..Here are some of the stories..

DURING BODYJAM 48 LAUNCH AT FF-MAXIS KLCC

DURING THE GATHERING OF COD UNIT-BOWLING COMPETITION

DURING BODYJAM -PURPLE THEME WITH JUWITA

DURING BODYJAM -BLUE THEME WITH ZAZA

WITH MUM AT GENTING HIGHLANDS....LAST YR..

ME WITH KAK DILLA & NIZA AT MELAKA..

WITH COLLEAGUES AT PORT DICKSON

WITH JACKIE,CILLA & DODO.. AT GENTING..LOVE&MISS THEM!!

US WITH DENNIS AT 'FLAM' CLUB IN SUNWAY.

OUR ...2ND TIME (I GUESS..)JOINING THE PAINTBALL COMPETITION

HELD BY AMBANK. UHHOOO...(LONG TIME AGO..)

WITH NIZA & CILLA AT THE CONCORD HOTEL (SHAH ALAM)..& THEIR SWIMMING POOL..

BEFORE JACKIE FLY TO AUSTRALIA..WE HAVE OUR FAREWELL DINNER 2009'

JOINING MEE KEE,ZAZA,K.S,CILLA TO CLUBBING AT M.O.S (EUPHORIA) IN SUNWAY.

THE PLACE THAT 'WE' HANG OUT BEFORE...

BODYJAM..BLACK THEME WITH ZAZA...

WITH THEM-GYM CLOSED FRIENDS..AT GENTING

WITH 'THEM'..AGAIN..IT'S THE 1ST TIME WE HAD OUR TRIP TOGETHER,

EVENTHOU IT WAS REALLY SHORT, BUT IT WAS FULL OF MEMORIES.

WITH LINDA..IN GYM, AFTER CLASS (ORANGE THEME)..

WITH AZIE..AT SWISS GARDEN HOTEL-TREASURE HUNT 2009.

AHAHaaha WITH NIZA...DURING LUNCH TIME

WITH KAK AJIE,LINDA,CILLA,KAK DILLA,NIZA & ERIN (MY VERY DEAREST FRIENDS) DURING MY 28TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION..(IF NOT MISTAKEN..HMM)

WE ARE AT 'CHILLIS' AT KLCC...

Trouble WIth......

I did cleaned up of my living room on SAturday..afternoon. I did arranged all the things in the living room just to make sure all the things changed. Maybe I wanna change the fengshui..and I wanna release somethings i kept deep deep down myheart for awhile. I always been thinking to 'clean up' my 'messy' head...by doing these..I did laundry too..yesterday. Alot of cloths to wash for the whole week.

There's been alot of 'events' going on thruout my so-call 'simple' life at here. I had tried out everythings..before. I had feel the happiness, sadness, laughter, smile, cried,the pain & hurt. Sometimes, I even thoughts that I can't 'survive' with these feeling, but here i am...surviving...and still breathing. I still have mylife..eventhou..the troubles still are there.

Maybe God has His Plan for me. I always..say to myself-i should be glad that they around. Yes! I feel glad all the time..that i still have them. Eventhou, I knew there are some part..of 'us' that are still not settle yet. I love them..I love mymum whose being the 'victim' of a situation that once upon a time..of my own Dad's doing.

God knows what I always prayed for mum...to see her happy and blessed everyday. I do love dad...even he had forgetten about me that being her very 'manja' daughter.

Since living in this large city..I just remember that I had being so 'different...' person now. I am not used to be the 'girl next door' ...,shy (of cos I still got it abit..with me),quiet, soft spoken, ladylike...type. Yeah...maybe because of the environment, people & experiences at here had make me feel so different now. But i'm still being Jenny that people used to know. I never change of what I believes. Maybe they saw me changed..but deep down myheart, I'm being the only person that stilll survive in this situation. As long as I didn't be a person that can harm anyone...and forget where I come from..

I an still being soft spoken sometimes, ...cos i'm still fragile..in anythings that hurt me.
Maybe I should be strong, i should make myself ...more independent...and ..tougher than i am now, So that I will not be hurt so painful in the end.

Money, Love, Friendship,Family, Work..and Life.is it so important that we can't survive without them?
I have had asked myself ...few times abt these & it does making me think alot.
I can't run....I have to face these things eventhou I can't totally settle it for good. I hope God can Guide me..
I learned the truth..currently and I have to face it. Mmg betul...sometimes..Life is unfair, Unfair because people who created it. Human whose being selfish..& stupid. So,whatever it is, human who need to realise it & start making changes. I learned it from some of my friends ...there being up and down ..between us, but I Never feel I need to end up our friendship. I dun blame when this thing happened, It had been ....alot of issues going on before. Maybe only time can decides for our faith..then.

A FRIENDSHIP STORIES..

This is a story of a friendship
A beginning of a special bond
They didn't know each other before college
They not even a close or childhood friends
They even close to become enemy

That bond had started
The caring, loving, understanding and toleration come into this fragile friendship
They fight, they quarrel,even had arguement, hate..
but never to have revenge and being enemy in disguise

The bond had grown with them
The treasure that no one can measure
The trust no one can put on
And the caring that never poluted..by any sources
THat's how it was all begun...

Many people touches many souls
Many human came in and out in our life
but neve stay with us forever
This friendship is the strongest among all..
Because the moment never end in 1 day..
It's still moving and bonding even until now.

There was once it broke off
Thru the selfish & being blinded by 'parasite' that living inside our life
The moment of beloved friendship soon
became lost in between of the our unsolved issues.

The timeless moment seems fading away from us..
The tireness of having and solving it not even worth
The confusement of every agendas had distrubing the way of thinking..
COntrolling every each weaknesses inside us, disturbing the mind & ignoring the logical.

Are this friendship will be lasting?
IS there any solution towards this situation?
Are we going to end up feeling discomfort forever?
Feeling disrespect...Feeling fishy about everythings?

The patience & passion of the scenarios
The journey that we had been thru
Will it end without finishing the whole potrait?
WIll the friendship stories stop its chapters here??
However, we still need this friendship to grow, to work, to bloom & to be cherish just like our age..
Let time Decide....?? Let God decide??
Or Let us decide??

RAYA OPEN HOUSE AT KAK LAILA'S HOUSE

Yesterday 10.10.09..Saturday, i think was the most happy and fun day for me since few weeks ago, since the mourns and sad day i have had. Mourns from my friend's dead & sad on the one thing that I think will last-person & situation together.

SAY 'CHEESE' & 'SELAMAT HARI RAYA' EVERYONE!! MUAHHHH TO U!

(KAMI DUDUK TEPI TANGGA KAK LAILA...

We went to Kak Laila's Raya Open House at SS2/20..just nearby our place but..since we can't find the road to her house..and we was lost of direction, it had took us abt 1 hrs..half to reach Kak Laila 's house. bY the time we reach there, it was almost 3PM. hahah, so funny that time. The place is actually near to us but, we seem can't find the junction at all, pusing2 tempat yg sama. Luckily, tried to call kak Laila that time and Azie slowly taking up the direction from Kak Laila from the HP. huhh...

The best part when reaching kak Laila's house, i was so amazed by the house structures..the design and the cozyness..of the whole ..concept. Huh..very marvellous..and unique! We wish kak Laila a happy hari raya..and ..well, like normal, proceed with the FOODS!! so..hungry that time, eventhou i did felt abit of dizzy since at home, and weak..(dunknow why at 1st)..but..i had make myself always 'availabl' for the Raya's foods! Alah..kak Laila said to me 'Sorry Jenny, rendang ayam tahun ni takde' ..tak apakan?? ' hheheheh..she still remembered i asked for it. BUt it's okla, luckily last time in the office during CP's Raya 'Makan2' , i had taken abit of Rendang AYam, so takla 'kempunan'..heheh..

LAgipun, ada kari ayam..lor..jugak..Thanks kak Laila ! The dishes was very ...delicious~! I had mee hoon goreng, kari ayam, fried vege, ah..the most famous one 'sweet and sour fish fillet' ! after that,2nd round, took some ' nasi hempit, and kuih kacang..hmm..sedaP!! Papadem..pun ada..huhu!

but of cos, before the main dish, i took 'carrot cake' from Kak Laila's living room that time and i feel so full..by then. Tapi Makan Jugak !!hahaha..

(KAK LAILA & HER DAUGHTER-NADIA & JASMINE)...CUTE KAN..SI JASMINE? UHH...THE HAIR SO PRETTY..LIKE ANGEL KAN??

(ME ABOVE- WITH IHSAN & IRFAN (KAK AJIE'S SONS)

Alot of our officemate have come and ..it was really a very unexpected event for that day. So "meriah" ..ppl would said. Kak Laila bring us to tour her house..wow, i again amazed la..of cos, the house look like 'IKea's Showroom' ..a real showroom! EVen the toilet was made from glass..transparent..very sexy! hmm...

We took alot of photos at Kak Laila's house..and it was really wonderful to see mmost of my colleagues bring their family and ..babies..children too. I managed to hold some few of my colleagues babies.and they are so cuteee....and so adorable. Sweet children they have there. Macam kami pulak yg single ni ada anak..cos everyone gilir2 mau dukung baby org. hihihi..One of them is Kak Lela's baby son..so cute.(check out the photo later)..

(ME WITH AHMAD-BIG BRO OF ASAD-KAK LELA'S CHILDREN)

<<<------- (ME WITH ASAD & AZIE..) Kak Ajie was there..too Niza, Haslinda, and even Kak Dilla..too..was there..BUt they came late from the expected time. We hang out at Kak Laila's house i think until about 4.30/5 PM..like that la. Kak Laila did prepared us with 'Evening HI-Tea' tu...Bestnya!! only few people left that time.me, cilla, kak ajie, kak dilla, niza, haslinda pie,Jaja's and daughter..azie..~Haha, actually we want to hang out lama sikit la, her house was so..cozy and windy..we just like it..ahh..sampai mau tertidur..actually. :))

(RAMAI2 POSING YER...)

**HI-TEA TIME...

Kak Laila gave us a very nice hospitality....since we are the one that left until 4Pm as promised. All of the rest had already went home..and went to other open house. Ada air teh lagi kena hidang..and fried chicken for hi-tea ....just no wonder we like it alot! Muahh...thanks to Kak Laila. During that time, I feel so peace in mind, nothing to worry, nothing to think besides having ..fun and being happy with my friends..and colleagues. Eventhou, some of the friends that not even close to me, but that time I felt that we are closed at heart and ..it make me so 'touched'. My close fren whose being there with me thruout my life had also acted ...normal-nice to me even we had 'here and there'...issues. To tell the truth, that time was the most peaceful time of mylife in these few months.

A really moment to be remember in RAYA time 2009~!

hah..this was the 2nd house we visited since Kak Rose's house last week. And ..i want to thanks them for inviting me ..to a wonderful open house..Once a year kan? Bila lagi time utk bermesra..kan? Time inila..mau kenal each others and o get to know their life outside the office.

Thanks again Kak LAila & her wonderful family..:)

THanks to Kak Rose too..on last week open house.

THE LOST...

WIth the gang at rumah ..time Raya..2009(taken from Helena FB Album)

(helena & KIm)...

Today...was the 3rd day..sinc my long lost friend's passed away. Ya, KamaliahNor@ Kim, the girl who used to be my friend in highschool time. We used to know each other very well..and she's one of the kind of ..a friend that have an active attitude...very..hyperactive, sporty, 'tomboy' lady that the way of all my friends in school knew her. She very ...cheerful, open minded lady.

I never seen her ..i think for almost ...7 or 5 years. The last time i saw her was when she 's in KK..at Centre Point, Jalan2 with 1 guy if not mistaken. I think that was her BF. I remembered we ..met her up ..but she didn't recognise me at all. I think that time got ..Hsiao Fui,Lee YUn?? If not mistaken and ..there's one time ..with Helena ..too. I think mcm few times jugak sia terjumpa dia..but dari jauh. Mau panggil dia pun sia takut ..kalu dia ndak kenal sia..cos..1st time nampak dia..pun, mcm dia ndak kenal sudah..Or Maybe dia ndak nampak betul>

The story began as I had told before ...I received..a msg from Kam @ Kamariazam on Tuesday.Inside the msg said that KIm had masuk hospital since 3 days ago at Hospital Likas,but was move to Hospital QUeen Elizebeth..after that. and she still in comma ..

the reason?? Kam said what she heard from others, saying that the BF had bitting her up until she had the head injuries..Bf dia belasah dia..sampai..kasi pecah tengkorak kepala..dia.

When the 1st time i knew abt that, I was really piss off of the BF who so cruel to do...that kind of thing to KIM! i was so mad..and I was angry for that JERK!!! A guy shouldn't put their hand on lady...a fragile human like that, Who he think he are..for doing such thing to KIM?!

And on 01.10.09(THursday).. when during lunch time, I went to Mamak for lunch, Open my Ipod to suft for Wireless..and open my FB, there it was...the status came out from Elut's FB...saying that Kim had passed away...in the afternoon. She asked friends to pray for 'AL-Fatihah' for KIM ( to R.I.P)...i was so shocked to saw it that time! I thought that it was only..a game..or wat..so ever. And then there are few of ppl commented on it. I msg Helena to ask he whether it 's true or not..and Hel replied..by saying' Ya,..Jen'..

That's the time where i turned sad ..and hambar..! The hope for KIM to wake up and survive..it was only a dream that never will be ..come true. And she's gone now. Left only the memories of Her being with us once upon a time.

Helena..was the one that felt the pain the most..cos she had being friend with KIM thruout heR life staying in Kampung..Contoh,Petagas-Putatan..for MORE than 10 yrs..and SHe always with Kim most of the time. THey had being best friend ever since. She can't take the fact that KIm had gone. And that had been making her..feel so teribble.and ..she' s in pain.

Myself also can't believe that she been gone. Bcos..I just planning with Helena to ..do the reunion ramai cos..i be back by then...for holidays (CL)..so..I will also want to meet all of my friends in highschool back. I somehow miss those years when I'm in highschool time.

But ..now, I dun have the chances to meet KIm again. It was so ..sad and tragic. I wish time will be rewind back where I can meet her for the last time..SHe was very playful girl..last time, she always perli2..me..and somehow, we are 'kamceng' too. She very friendly person. And to lost her in this world really a BIG matter for us all. Can't take the ending well. I think I can meet her anymore. It kind of Pity...!!

But I know eventhou She had gone,,but her spirit and soul still lingering around. SHe will never be forget..!

This is how God had given to me, He want me to learn about friendship & Love~Then...to open my eyes to see that there' are still some ppl tat fighting for her life. and having the bad relationship.

God be with Hm alsways . REst IN Peace Kim..Your legacy always be wit you.. We sure will going to miss U alot!