Sunday, September 19, 2010

how to start it?

i had been wondering tis for sometime. SAmpai berhari2 sya rasa..sya cuba mo pikir balik what actually happened in mylife..and i knew everyone thought that i'm changing.

I dunknow why...semua org ingat mcmtu..sampai sya balik2 fikir..betul ka sya sudah change or wat? i knew i did have myown problems.but should everyone judged me like i changed alot? what else i want to show people ? for making them see that i'm still ME! Sy tau la sya sudah byk berubah since i came to KL..and since my life not that stable..here and there, but should everyone want to judge everythings that I done like I dun have any ...feeling pun?
Even my own old bestfriend judged me like I'm not their friend anymore.i have feeling too. how to say this but, during sya balik KK..sya pikir sya dapat jumpa my oldfiends,atleast i can feel that there are still someone that can understand and care me, just by hearing me. i didnt ask them to lectured me of what had happened along my life in KL ni..dgn apa yg sya hadapi skrg lagi. i didnt ask. When they said and react when they met me..like i'm a total stranger sudah. I did asked some helps daripada dorg ..., but..do they need to say like i'm totally didn't know how to settle things? I'm now living mylife with 'regrets' and do i need to feel it more until i can lost myhope to feel happy ever again? What else i wanna do? Want else I wanna tell everyone? Even, some of the problems I tried to manage myself cos i know..all happened cause of myfaults. Do i need to inform everyone I'm trying to be..mature, to be gud, to be just simple person in everythings. MOney..the most important part and ..that's the main issue that i'm facing now.It's so hard to face the probs but it's more hard to face those friends that can't be there when i really needed them..more hard when you have to face those..words that people always said.about my physical..about face?about my personality?about mylife here? Do they need to say those things without knowing what exactly i feel?

i know mylife here is not that perfect, alot of the critical issues that some of people don't even know but..do I have to tell everyone how i feel? and how i'm trying to settle it now?? Everytime? Siap bole ckp about mywrickles? hahah..kinda funny kan? ANd cos i think too much they said..until i got some wrickles?my face not that happy anymore...and i didn't smile and it show that i'm not happy. That are what people's judgement about me. huhh.... guess what?

I wanna be happy. I wanna have fun in in life. I wanna have a future. I want to have career advantages.money.a gud life. gud family. gud friends..blah blah blah.. I wanna be cheerful person that i used to have, but ..sometimes when that things you wishes can't be that easy to get. I know why? Cos I have these probs. When there's no $$$ & you lose sane in life,and you start losing the positive attitudes in life too,..there will be a disaster! ..i tell you cos this is what happened. Life changed. Your friends change. You lose many friends. you lose those potential lovers/partners.Family ..lose trust on you. Friends keep saying you look 'teribble'..and most important, you employers too will question on your capability to provide good ..service to the company. WHy these happen? I guess only me who know it.

It's unfair. BUt ..i can't blame on God again. I blame before. I just know..it's a test that i think i suppose to face now. i have to be patience. i have to face with positive ways. It's sucks But i have too. When each and everyday, i think of it, of how much $$$ was left inside my wallet and how much i've throw away last time, it make me feel so sad, not sad...but depressed! People may seen it. People already judged. i just never want to feel the troubles that i facing now make me lost of those person that i hope can understand. I'm always being a crying baby each time i feel sad, but ..tis things had making me lose my tears. I guess..i cried in heart.



Who to turn to??

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Jazmine Sullivan - Bust Your Windows



This is the video music that i dedicated to those 'jerko'..in any of the ladies' life. Wanna make us realise of those hurts and pains that we had before. I wish to be strong and braver like in the video music..JAzmine Sullivan did. I wish those guys that hurt me before will learned their lessons- that i'll be stand up again..and move on without you. CHeers to all the ladies that stand up and being strong from all those pains.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Step Up 2 The Streets - Tyler Gage vs. Andie




CHANNING TATUM WAS SO SEXY IN THIS APPEARANCE IN STEP UP 2..SEQUENCE.
THE ROLE AS'TYLER GAGE' FRM STEP UP 1'..MAKE ME LOVE HIM TO MUCH MORE...AHAKS..
HOW I WISH I CAN MOVE LIKE THAT..!YEAH...IMAGINATION OVER!HAHAAHHA..WATCH THE STEPS ..GIRLS, COS HERE COME TYLER!

RAYA DAY..

Today is the 1st day of Raya day. And cilla and me was left out both alone in KL. Everyone going back to hometown and we have to stay here back in KL where..i know...it's not our plan to stay here during this raya. For cilla, she was suppose to be back to KK with his family to celebrate the raya day with them and of course I want to go back too.HOw i wish..but due to some problem...i have to skip the wish for now. OH gosh..! it's so hurt to think of it.
Today, the whole day we stayed at home and ..trying to rest well and ..clean up but end up I was the only one left out trying to throw away some of the 'garbage' at my room. wanna throw out few thiings that didn't even use anymore, just to make sure, it clean abit..and easy to remove whenever we want to move out or goin back for gud in future. Cilla was falling asleep when I did the cleaning part this evening. Well..i guess she was really tired and ...kesian dia,her birthday pun teda pi kluar mana2 pun, jsut stay at home and enjoying the company of TV.hehehe..apa bole buat, budget...kan! budget la..~geeskk

During the cleaning up things just now I found out my old diary..where..I used to wrote down all the things about me during my college time at here. Some of it was really not a gud thing to remember back speacially those incident abt mydad,mistress, abt 'awie'...
I read some of the pages and..it remind me back of those days. I stilll cant believe i had those incidents already happened almost ...7 yrs ago??wow..i'm sure not really getting any younger. Am I only the one that still hanging thru these moment? Cos I think cilla maybe have her mind focus on different things now besides these old craps. I think even Awie have his..life with the one he love..now. He should be marry by now i guess, with Eva-his longterm GF..that was all the time actually being his trulove when while he just having some hanky panky with those 'stupidgirls' that believe..he was the one, well..that's one of the stupid girl i think.. used to be ME. That was the starting of my hurting era.
I got another hurting moment that making me realise i was not belong to a happy family anymore. It's the fact that i saw even some would say as normal but for me, it's just not!
But, it's a past. Which I hope I can just..let it go. I'm learning to let it go now. I'm learning. EVen how these years of 'pain' had bring me, i still trying to survive in it and God, i hope...that I can pass thru all these...'life test'.
God Bless..

Sunday, September 5, 2010

TAG QUESTIONS NO2-FRM FB-"MY SO-WHAT" COLUMN.

1. What is on the walls of your room?

POSTER AVRIL LAVIGNE * MIRROr...



2. What type of music do you listen to?

POP,SLOW/MODERN ROCK, HIP HOP,OLDIES..



3. What do you want more than anything right now?

MONEY...MONEY..MONEY..



4. Do you get scared in the dark?

YES...



5. What’s your worst fear?

DEAD, GHOST, LOSS OF SOMEONE I LOVED...



6. If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

TRAVEL & TAKE A GOOD REST...



7. What’s the meaningful gift that you’ve received?

A 'LOVE' PENDENT WITH NECKLACE ...



8. Do you have a crush?

YES..



9. Who is your favorite celebrities?

HEATH LEDGER,DAVID COOK,AVRIL LAVIGNE,KRISTEN S.,ROBERT PATTISON, EVANESSENCE..



10. Could you fall in love with someone that you know must leave?

DEPENDS...IF I KNOW THAT PERSON SO CLOSE IN HEART THEN..IT WILL BE YES..



11. Share a favorite quote of yours

NEVER GIVE UP! TO LOVE IS TO ADMIRE WITH MIND, TO ADMIRE IS TO LOVE WITH HEART...AND MORE....



12. What’s your weakness?

BLUR, MERAJUK..& CLUMSY...:)



13. Do you believe that we all have a soul mate?

YES....I DO BELIEVE..!



14. What were you doing before Sunday Stealing?

WATCHING MOVIES..??



15. What do you get complicated about the most?

PUJUK..ORG YG TGH MARAH ..OR YG TAKDE MOOD...& BEING A PERSON STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF ANYTHGS..



16. What turns you off the most from a potential partner?

DIRTY,MESSY, HARD SMOKER, TOO LOUD..& UNTOLERATE GUYS...



17. What is your worst habit?

ANGER, SUKA 'GARU KEPALA'...



18. When was the last time that you were jealous?

CURRENTLY...



19. Have you ever had a “friend with benefits”?

YES...SOMETIMES..WE HAVE TO HAD FRIENDS LIKE THIS IN LIFE..



20. Do you use sarcasm?

YES...TO THE PERSON THAT IRRATATING..



21. At the moment, what’s you favorite songS?

THE CLIMB (MILEY CYRUS), DECODE (PARAMORE) & WHEN YOU'RE GONE (AVRIL LAVIGNE)..A(ACTUALLLY BYKKK....BUT THESE ARE THE MOST LISTENED ONE)



22. What is you favorite day of the year?

MY BIRTHDAY?? & THE DAY I NO NEED TO THINK OF WORKS....'HOLIDAYS'...



23. Describe your love life.

SUCKSS.....AND DISAPPOINTED..PREVIOUSLY LA...





24. When was your last one night stand?

5 YRS AGO...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA...IS IT??





25. How many past lovers are too many?

ABOVE 5 CONSIDER-MIN(NORMAL), BUT ABOVE 10 CONSIDER -MAX (WHICH IS ..HUH??..SO MUCH LOVE CHANGES...AROUND?..WILL THINK IS THAT TRUELY LOVE OR JUST 'FLING' AROUND??)

TAG QUESTIONS-FROM FB...

Jawapan saya sume tidak dipengaruhi apa2 keadaan.. ehehehehe... *Saya buat ni untuk hilangkan boring di malam ahad* ----Susahnya mau jawab dlm bahasa melayu nieh…hehehe ;p

1.Bekas kekasih saya adalah :
--> Pada mulanya -Baik,memahami,penyayang & ambil berat..
~Kekecewaan menyelubungi minda & perasaan, tidak tau apa yg patut saya ckp..~Yg saya tau, saya pernah menyayanginya...sesungguhnya, perasaan itu sukar utk dilupakan.

2.Saya sedang mendengar :
--> Tadi-lagu 'EYE ON FIRE'-by BLUE FOUNDATION..baru tadi saya publish sedikit dari lirik lagu itu di FaceBook sya.

3. Mungkin saya patut :
-->1. Untuk selesaikan semua masalah saya. 2. Cari Jalan yg terbaik utk atasi kekecewaan 3.Balik ke tempat asalku-mana lagikan? 4.Hidup dgn makna 5.Ceria 6. Segarkan Minda..& tenaga...
akhir sekali -saya patut 'mandi' sekarang! hahaha...

4. Saya suka:
--> Karaoke-nyanyi, Menari (BODYJAM!!)...,suka dgn keadaan yg Tenang..bole tak gitu?

5.Sahabat-sahabat baik saya:
--> Saya rasa mereka tahu siapa diri mereka yg sebenarnya..mereka terlalu istimewa utk ditonjolkan dlm NOTE ini..

6.Saya tak faham :
--> ...dgn masalah...masalah dlm CINTA,KELUARGA,KEWANGAN,PERSAHABATAN, KERJA & kadang2 dlm HIDUP.

7.Saya kehilangan :
--> Sebuah percintaan yg saya ingatkan bole bawa kepada kebahagiaan & dlm masa yang sama, saya rasa kehilangan seorg kawan yg amat saya sayangi- Yang telah 'Pergi' dan Yang Masih 'Hidup'.

8.Ramai yang berkata :
--> Saya nampak tidak bermaya...saya kurang senyum & saya jarang bergaul sejak sebulan yang lalu.

9.Makna nama saya :
--> Kena check Kamus dulu utk tahu apa maksudnya, tapi nama ini telah dicadangkan ole seorg jururawat pada emak saya pada suatu ketika dulu, semasa emak baru lahirkan saya.

10.Cinta itu adalah :
--> Manis pada mulanya, Pahit pada tengahnya & Pedih pada akhirnya (Utk yg alami Kekecewaan).Cinta pada kekasih-lain maknanya darpada Cinta kepada Persahabatan & Keluarga.

11.Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :
--> Bergembira...Tidak memikirkan yang ada org menderita untuk menanti 'Keajaiban'...

12.Saya akan cuba :
--> Menghargai Org yg sayangkan saya & Cuba Sayangi Orang Yang betul2 Sayangkan saya.
Saya Mahu cuba hiburkan hati saya ...dan cuba jadi 'positif' dalam hidup.

13.Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud :
--> ABADI,KEKAL,TIDAK BERUBAH, TIDAK AKAN LUPUT DEK HUJAN..TIDAK KIRA APA YG BERLAKU.

14.Telefon bimbit saya :
--> ada 2...ada 2 no.tel..heh..:)

15.Bila saya terjaga dari tidur :
--> Saya rasa sangat malas..dan kadang2 tidak ada tenaga.

16.Saya paling meluat apabila :
--> Bila benda tu buatkan saya meluat....MMM susah nak fikirkan apa skrg..

17.Pesta/Parti adalah :
--> Bersuka RIa..bersama kawan2 dan orang tersayang...RAmai2..

18.Haiwan yang paling comel yang saya pernah temui ialah :
--> Kucingku...>Simba-!!!

19.Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah :
--> 16-18 tahun...hahahah..masa muda yang buatkan saya rasa rindu sangat dgn kawan2 lama saya..

20.Hari ini :
--> Hari Ahad..alaalalalaalala..Masa Rehatku !

21.Malam ini saya akan :
--> Layari BLOG,FB,Emails..

22.Esok pula saya akan :
--> KERJA...!!!! Bosannya!!!! ahmmm..:((

23.Saya betul-betul inginkan :
--> $$$$$$$.....dan Percutian..utk tenangkan Hati dan perasaan.

24.Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :
--> Saya nampak jerawattttttttttt!!!!! Dan susuk Tubuh saya yang rasanya makin kurus??! hahahahaah...kenapa ya agaknya?..tensen kot?

25.Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan :
--> Dua2 Pun saya suka bah!! Tengok apa yg ada dlm kedua2 tempat inila. Kalu Best, saya suka saja!

26.Makanan Barat atau Jepun
--> Jepun- makan sushi tdk byk...ada yg tidak pandai makan jugak tapi teppanyaki masak tu, saya suka! Barat pulak-ada jugak yang tak mkn..tapi rasanya saya makan..lebih byk kepada Barat kot.
hehee:)

27.Bilik yang terang atau gelap :
--> Ah? Suka Gelap bila saya mahu rehatkan kepala otak yang sakit-MIgrain! tapi saya suka terang jugak,cuma jan terang sgt...aha...''Mcm pontianak' la jugakkan? /Vampires/

28.Makanan segera adalah :
--> MCD & KFC....hehehe....makanan segera yang pertama kali saya makan sejak masih kecil lagi.

29.Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan pada seseorang?
--> "‘Simbaaa....................................."

30.Siapa yang anda mahu tag?
--> Sesiapa saja.......hmm

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Letter To Juliet

I watched this movie called 'Letter To Juliet'..starring by- Amanda Seyfield and that British guy which I dun knw wat his name is. We bought the DVD just now..
It was indeed a great love story that full with funny,touching, inspiration new love story. How I wish i chould get that kind of love even after 50years.

The story about this lady-Amanda (Sophie) who found a letter inside a wall-they called in "Verona Juliet'? if not mistaken. The wall where most of the ladies will put their problems in love & they write a letter to 'JUliet'..(THe legend of ROmeo & Juliet 's love story) in hope JUliet will advice them la on what to do..and to solve their issue or problems or ask for advices. SO, one day Sophie helping la the "secretariate of Juliet" advice Sophie to replies the long lost found personn after 50yrs suffering of waiting> Sophie found a 50 yrs old letter from a lady called-Claire to his beloved lover name "lorenzo"...but, ndak kesampian mau disolvekan, the letter was keep inside the break of wall since then. Sophie replied the letter to Claire and one day this young gentleman, charlie ( her grandson) appeared at their office. Bagitau to Sophie to back off, and asking not to reply the letter to his grandma anymore n give hope to his grandma abt tis lorenzo thgs.hmmm..so frm there...start the journey to find 'lorenzo'....

During the journey, alot of funny and love stuffs going on la..then..charlie n sophie began to have feeling themselves..huh, so touching! last2 nenek si charlie tu (Claire) dapat jugak found her lorenzo at last..!
Wow..it's a great story actually. FUn, Adventure & alot of love ..story.The movie kinda nice to watch! I like the 'jalan cerita'!!
MMg ada meaningla..kalu kita..betul2 mau tau apa tu actually LOve but ndak tau..whether we can be willing to be patience to wait for true love to come..

If only..my love story will be that..nice to hear. Lovely to share about! and so meaningful ..each and everydays.mmm,