heiii..this was my 2nd attempt typing this blog. i didn't know that i didnt save the previous blog that i typed before.
How to start this?? i just don;t know where to start..cos it's just too much of pains and hurts here and there. I keep thinking of the past..and past that i been thru with her for these past of 10 yrs ago,. I keep thinking how the hell we can maintained being a great friends but at the same ..we still having some issues that not all people know.
Sometimes, i did think is it true that we can still be friend after all that we being thru for these whole time? what that been happened thruout these 10 yrs of our friendship?
I been killing my head to think and keep thinking until now if i was behind all these things that happened in mylife. i can't stand it anymore..i know it's all happened bcos of me and i did blame myself..since i was the one that hurting her sinCe the 1st day of her friendship with me.
Sometimes, i realised that i didn't have the energy to stop the tension and craziness of thinking to let things change and go as it suppose to be cos of the past history that one person had done. i understand that its not a n easy job to let things goas easy as that, since we had already incountered all experiences before.
i know i did some mistakes that even..,that i thought it was already beent long time ago. But it's all in my head. I knew things will never be what we hoping for.
How i want to say this? How i want to start to make her even understand> I know she will keep saying that everythings will always be easy for me..when the issue is ..."I DIDNT said that i don't want to be with myown best bud ' and she keep saying that she will soon lost me?? i maybe done a wrong things in the past..and of cos i don hope that it will be the last and make the frienship just end like that. I will never let it fade away but i still can't explain to her that this will never be ending..for us even in future, either one of us will start our life and have our ..other commitments but we are still friends till apart. I want it back and indeed i wanted it to be like last time, but why i feel like it won't b fine at all?God, is it so hard to fulfill what i wanted in my life ? IS it so hard to be happy and seeing everyone close to you happy? IS it hard to have a happy time together and move on with our life just like everyone else?? Why it always have to be a 'fight"??? i'm just a person that need those peace in my life , but somehow, i never get it...no matter how much i pray for it to be true...!!!
ARghhhhhhh... i just feel so depresssed!!
