'Trouble Is a friend...and trouble is friend...hey hey..."

Yesterday had teached me a lesson that I will never learned frm anyone. The feeling of frustration & the tension of how problems concurred me making me feel like I'm not the JENNY that people used to know before this. I must Congrate to the person who making me feel and changed this ways cos he's the one that making me learned abt the'dissapointment' & the lesson of really believe in a true frienship & love. "thank you to...u!"...i 've learned to get my feet up and move on with my life.
Somehow, yesteday incident teach me how to differentiate between the boundaries of what thinking i shouldn't do after having this really teribble 'crisis' of my life since few mths ago.
Yeah, life is sometimes'sucks' in its ways. I didn't have much excuses to live my life free from any crisis if not bcos my own negative thinking that always keeping me more worst everydays, It feel like i'm carrying a burden at my back that it's so heavy for me to carry along into this journey.
My negative thinking had killing me frm behind and people seems to notice it day by day. I didn't hope and wish to get it netheir. I understood why and i begin to slow down my life far away from friends..& from the one i loved (even frm my family & my close friend). It started to control mybody & mind until at some point i realised even my close friend begin to step away from me. Maybe bcos they afraid to see me being so 'lame & down'... or they just think i might need time to be alone by myown and let me settling down from everythings that happened.
It does making me remember those old days that I was used to laugh & smiling, and now, it was different. I tried to make myself busy with works and all those hassle in the office to make me forgetting abt thgs that i wish I dun't want to think. I spend most of the time in the office more than in house to make me forget abt all those hurtful moment.I've been so quiet, dull & gloomy. I even think i become a lady that feel the life was over for me..and when I watched back to back NEWMOON for 3rd times...i feel like myself so in that position of being 'Bella' during her downtime when Edward left her that moment..! That's why I cried everytime during that part.

I tried to talked to some friends that not even closed to me so that I can let IT free from my very 'messy head'....and so that I can breath more easily.
But, I guess yesteday lecture & harsh 'words' from her does effected me now. Those facts words that she alwasy said abt friendship and true love was infact, it's TRUE!!
i cried all night thinking from it. Seeing all the faces that had advices me before, consults ,motivate & cared for me before had begin to appear one by one inside my brain. Even it does hurt me & making me feel not comfortable at all deep down, but when thinking the real fact of seeing myself have these kind of syndroms make me feel i wanna change into someone 'new'. I know it's hard for me to change into someone that can be stand up on my own feet & someone that happy like i used to be last time, but I want to enjoy my life. I had been advicing those kind of friends that used to have their problems & crisis along the way before, but I didn't realised now, I'm being one of them that are most worst to accept the facts of why it all happened to me.
These few mths, I tried to get myself away from people, from friends that even closed to me , from my bestfriend, from my family, i feel that I also want to stay away from GOD. Bcos I know I am not worth to be near them. I had done somethings wrong in my life that even myself can't forgive & forget. I feel like I'm being a burden to them. Althou, i knew I appreciated their thoughts, advice,care, love & support to me, but I don't know why ...I keep having these thinking of bad thgs in my head & it always end me up with much much more..confusing moment & negative one. I didn't request for these to happen, I never wonder myself to be such a 'physcotic' person ..in the eyes of them, but it always happened. But deep down my heart, i know I dun want to be this bad person...I dun want to let the devil control me & mymind. And even from the breaking up thgs & the friendship issues, i did tried to give myself a chance to be ....in positive position but, somehow, it doesn't work due to some other issues that arrived during the healing process.
ANd now, I feel I have to change my attitudes...my really bad 'ass' and dumb thinking ..so that i can stand up by myself. Stand between my 2 feet & be independent. Ya, become more independent than before, even without Her in my life anymore...~ i know i can't control her from being away from me in future, I know she had her own life that she always wanted. Someday, i know I will be alone by myself to settle my own 'mess' without her to motivate & being there for me, I still have too stand up!! i knw it's hard, I know I will feel different, But i guess i have to learn.
I htink that are much more easier for her to have her peace life together with someone else rather than being with a friend than so much in trouble like me. She worth to anyone that are more better than me, she have much more happier life.
That's what ...i feel it after the whole night of crying myself till sleep.
sooner or later, I will have to move on by myself, and ...i know someday, i will lose her but I know I will lose her friendship. I have faith in it & i believe God too want it to be this way. Like what God had planned, my love ..life was really sucks and it's does hurted each and everytime when I falled for the wrong person. But now, i see ...maybe God just want me to be free & learned somethings from it. Maybe it's true that I haven't found someone who's really love me for who I am..and really can be there for me in my up & down. Whom that can really can be my soulmate.
Know it pain that i feel, but ...what had done by him will always be remembered & I know i have to forget & forgive when it's time. HOPE will never fade away from me, I will wait till tat day to come & I hope God is there to guide me...& lead me the way.

Team Edward - Fandango's New Moon Fan Site

Team Edward - Fandango's New Moon Fan Site

TEAM JACOB........

Team Jacob

M◄ BACK TO HOME: NEW MOON

VISIT HOMEPAGE: http://newmoon.fandango.com/page/Team+Jacob

Jacob has a 6 pack.
JACOB + BELLA = TEAM JACOB If only the rest of us could be so lucky to hang out with this beast. Compile the evidence that will get Team Edward to recognize!
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SEE ALSO:
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Team Edward
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New Moon Quotes
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New Moon Characters
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Forums
VITALS
AGES:
Bella: 18, Jacob: 16 looks like a 25 year old!
STATUS:
She's a human, he's a hott werewolf
PROOF OF CHEMISTRY:
they have fun together, he is not controlling like Edward she gets to do more stuff with Jake
QUIRKS:
Jake always says "Sure, sure." And he gets Bella saying it too.
VULNERABILITIES:
If he phases when he's around her, Bella could get hurt.
STRUGGLES:
Edward wont let Bella see him and she loves Edward and Jacob at the same time. she misses Jake when he is not around too!!
STRENGTHS:
Bella trusts Jacob, she can joke with him and he will always be there for her.
THEIR BACKSTORY: Bella has known him much longer than she's known Edward... They known each other since they were little. And their fathers are best friends.
PLAYED BY... Taylor Lautner AND Kristen Stewart
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Why are you on Team Jacob?
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See more Team Jacob photos
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Jacob Black Bella Swan
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Taylor Lautner Kristen Stewart
WHY WE TEAM JACOB
Jacob is there for Bella after Edward leaves and when he's around.
HE'S SO HOT
He protects Bella
He is not a blood sucking leech, (AKA EDWARD)
He's got a great personality.
Because he is fine and because he still loves her after Edwards ditches her

But what if I want Jacob Black?ARE YOU SECRETLY TEAM EDWARD BECAUSE YOU WANT JACOB FOR YOURSELF?
THE PROS OF TEAM JACOB AND CONS OF TEAM EDWARD
REASONS TO BE WITH JACOB
REASONS NOT TO BE WITH EDWARD
1.
Bella and Jacob are best friends.
2.
Jacob is warm:)
3.
Bella misses Jacob if he isn't around.
4.
Jacob joins Bella to do slightly dangerous things that Edward forbids.
5.
They have a great time together.
6.
He never abandons her
7.
He's Devoted His Whole Life To Protecting Bella... Even though she is in love with a "Bloodsucker"
8.
He is very friendly and down to earth, unlike Edward.
9.
He's Beautiful inside and out...
10.
He's A hot WEREWOLF with abs....... need i say moree???? =)
+
Filled up? ADD MORE REASONS HERE...
1.
Bella always has to be afraid for her life around Edward.
2.
Edward is too cold. Literally.
3.
Edward always wants to kill Bella. WTF?
4.
Edward leaves Bella unprotected and Laurent almost kills her and Jacob saves the day!
5.
He's a vampire
6.
He's So tense
7.
Too protective
8.
He really needs to be less controlling sometimes.
9.
He might protect her but, he needs to focus on more than protection all of the time
10.
Hello... he put her in a deep depression!!!! :(
+
Filled up? ADD MORE REASONS HERE....
JACOB AND BELLA QUOTES
"Have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone?"Jacob, New Moon Movie
"You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks."Jacob Black, New Moon Book, Chapter 9, p.211
"Jake, run!"Bella, New Moon Movie
"Don't. Get. Me. Upset." Jacob, New Moon Movie
"As long as you like me the best. And you think I’m good-looking—sort of. I’m prepared to be annoyingly persistent."Jacob Black, New Moon Book, Chapter 9, p.212
"I know what he did to you, Bella."Jacob Black,New Moon Movie
"You sure look beautiful."Bella Swan,New Moon Movie
More Jacob Black Quotes ►

BEST MOVIE & BOOK SCENES
When Jacob phases into a werewolf for the first time in front of Bella and goes after Paul.
The motorcycles
When he's saves her from almost drowning... HOW HEROIC
Any scene involving Jacob...

SCENES TEAM JACOB FANS WOULD LOVE TO SEE
Bella and Jacob kiss!
Him with his shirt off!!
Forming into his perfect werewolf form.
He is sure beautiful!!!!!
Jacob pulling Bella out of the water
TEAM JACOB PHOTOS
TEAM JACOB VIDEOS
BELLA AND JACOB FOREVERMore: Photos of Jacob and Bella
TEAM JACOB AD - CAN WE REALLY TRUST EDWARD CULLEN?

TEAM EDWARD........

Team Edward














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EDWARD + BELLA = OH YEAH!
Show Team Jacob that Team Edward can throw down! Add the details of Edward and Bella. They belong together, don't they?
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PAGE SAVER
VITALS
AGES: Edward looks 17 but is technically 109, Bella is 18.
STATUS: He is a vampire, she is a human.
PROOF OF CHEMISTRY:
Edward and Bella both suffer while they are apart after Edward decides to leave Bella because he feels it is the best thing for her future. Neither one can literally live without the other.

QUIRKS:
When Edward is stressed, he stands very still and pinches the bridge of his nose. Bella is very clumsy.
VULNERABILITIES: He is attracted to the smell of Bella's blood and his presence puts her in danger. At times, he does what he thinks is best for Bella, despite her wishes contrary.

STRUGGLES: Edward struggles to be close to Bella because he is afraid to lose control and hurt her. As for Bella, she has to hide the truth about Edward from everyone she knows. She also has to be careful of being around other vampires.
STRENGTHS: They are deeply in love with each other. Edward is fast and can sense when Bella is in trouble, making it easy for him to save her. Bella is strong in the sense that she is willing to do anything and go through anything to be with Edward.
THEIR BACKSTORY: ---


PLAYED BY... Robert Pattinson AND Kristen Stewart

● Why are you on Team Edward?
● Team Edward photos
● Edward Cullen Bella Swan
● Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart















WHY WE TEAM EDWARD
Edward has waited for Bella for decades. Hello!?! He's the best!

They keep us wanting more!

Their love is pure, and besides they get... well you'll have to read the books.


Bella and Edward
Look at the two of them together, they are beautiful! Edward himself is beautiful and his love for Bella is what every girl or woman wishes she could have. Beautiful is even not enough to describe Edward, not sure if there is a word to describe someone so loving, selfless, and sexy!


When Edward and Bella are together, there is electricity between them. They belong together, it's part of who they are.
Edward TRULY loves Bella, and Bella TRULY loves Edward. They are both in love, and they could not live without each other. She may have a "crush" on Jacob, but it will not change her true feelings about Edward.


But what if I want Edward Cullen?
ARE YOU SECRETLY TEAM JACOB BECAUSE YOU WANT EDWARD FOR YOURSELF?


THE PROS OF TEAM EDWARD AND CONS OF TEAM JACOB
REASONS TO BE WITH EDWARD
REASONS NOT TO BE WITH JACOB

1. Edward is always thoughtful and takes care of Bella.
2. They have ah-mazing chemistry!
3. Bella was attracted to Edward from the beginning, they are soul-mates.
4. Edward is respectful of everybody, including Jacob.
5. Edward puts Bella's needs above his own.
6. Edward will always love Bella no matter how old she gets or how she looks.

7. Edward is a gentleman, and doesn't pressure Bella to get intimate physically.

8.
I want Edward for myself!

9.
He's gorgeous!

+ Filled up? ADD MORE REASONS HERE....
1. Bella likes Jacob as a friend but she still loves Edward.
2. Jacob has a little bit of a temper.
3. Jacob is more self-centered and less thoughtful than Edward.
4. Jacob is less controlled than Edward.
5. Bella could easily be mauled like Emily.
6. Jacob lets Bella do more reckless activities than Edward, putting her life at stake.
7. Jacob is still young, inexperienced, and immature!
8. He's mine.

9.
And he totally never wears clothes, not that that's a bad thing....
+ Filled up? ADD MORE REASONS HERE....


EDWARD AND BELLA QUOTES

"Your wish, my command."
-Edward Cullen, New Moon, Chapter 1


"You're my only reason to stay alive, if that's what I am."
-Edward Cullen, New Moon Movie

"They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer- because her blood sings for me." Edward Cullen, New Moon, Chapter 22

"You weren’t going to let go. I could see that. I didn’t want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn’t convince you that I didn’t love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I’d moved on, so would you." -Edward Cullen, New Moon, Chapter 23.
I thought I'd explained this before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist.

Team Edward Quotes ►

BEST MOVIE & BOOK SCENES FROM NEW MOON & TWILIGHT
The kissing scene when they are standing outside of Bella's truck in New Moon.
The bedroom scene, where they first make out in Twilight.
The scene where Edward and Bella are in his bedroom (Twilight) and he puts her on his back and they jump out the window. "Hold on tight, spidermonkey."
When they are at the prom and bella thinks he might bite her neck but he just kisses it.
When Bella is going to the Cullen's house for the first time and runs into Edward at the bottom of the stairs and he kisses her and she faints. (Twilight)
When they kiss in the parking lot outside the school. (New Moon, Movie)


SCENES TEAM EDWARD FANS WOULD LOVE TO SEE
Edward comes back to Bella after the breakup, says he was wrong and begs for Bella's forgiveness.

When they are in Italy and they kiss when he realises that she is alive,(New Moon Movie)



TEAM EDWARD PHOTOS TEAM EDWARD VIDEOS

EDWARD AND BELLA PHOTOS = HOTNESS










More: Photos of Edward and Bella EIGHT REASONS TO JOIN TEAM EDWARD


More: Videos of Edward and Bella

Team Edward - Fandango's New Moon Fan Site

Team Edward - Fandango's New Moon Fan Site

The TRip, The MOvie & The Reveal

during Caving at Gua Tempurung with the gang

we manage to pose in the dark...muahhh

waiting for the abseilers from the abseiling @ Air Terjun Kg Geruntum.

AIr Terjun Getumrum......waiting for the abseilers....

the arrival time at Gua Tempurung ....waiting for Adeline's pick up

DUring dinner time at Adeline's.(saturday)

taken from a new friend FB 's album -from the trip-Thani-

the place that we slept in...i like the bamboo house..it's very traditional- remind me of my grandparent & 'MOyang' house in Kampung. mmm:(

taken from Thani's album- really chilling when watchin the view of the small drain at Adeline.

Dear Blog,

There are few words & stories that I had skip for awhile. Some of it had touched me, some of it make me sad, somes...make me learned. From everythings that happened since last weeks had really changed my thoughts, my feeling & my emotion. LAst Saturday & Sunday...21st - 22 Nov 2009, i went to KAmpar-Gopeng,Perak. Yes..again!

-THE TRIP-

For the 2nd times, i had been back to that place. I like Adeline Rest House that actually it make me feel comfortable at 1st i went there. But this time, it had been different. The old feeling about the place comfortness had just suddenly fade away, it's doesn't feel the same anymore. It's not bcos of Adeline's but it was bcos of the othe part of things that remind me bout the experiences that i learned from being with sumone that been there. Due to a promise & the payment i had made to kak reha, i went too. I knw i will feel not comfortable & awkward when I reach there but I have to face it & to face him!!

When the time we reach @ Gua tempurung, it was almost 1pm.The Adeline's staffs picking us up & we had our lunch at Adeline before they begin to do the 1st activitty.-Abseiling. we headed to the place where they do abseling which I wasn't attend. i was being the photographer tat time.

I saw him on the abseiling point. I can saw that he tried to avoid having eye contact with me & i dun know why i feel that he trying to run away from talking with me. I did trying so hard to become stronger when facing him & i tried to make myself as normal as i can when i was there.

BUt ..who can run from the facts, right? what done & said will always be that way. And i know I still can't change what he had done & said.

Life really unpredicted ...one time u be with him but suddenly it changed . The more pity to know that ...it involved with heart, my heart!] It been too much to accept, too much hurtful things involved.

The trip had been a real challenge for me...I followed the activities ..! I done caving to Gua Tempurung on the 2nd day . It;s a bad day for me before i got to borrow shoes frm Kak Reha. My shoes was 'koyak' suddenly. Besides that, I did followed the WHITE WATER RAFTING...yeah atlast!! I did it! Last time on the 1st trip, i didn't have guts to follow it cos im too aftraid of the water level & i afraid of ..i will be drown by it.

BUtiI I guess of should thanks Shaz ,& kak reha & the gangs for supporting me to go to rafting. MMg RockS Rafting! Never imagine it will be tat fun!! Even with the so fast water level & the rapids from it, we'll still manage to stay on the boat without turning upside down. haha..thanks to Jayz. Thank U again guys!!

It does cure abit of my headache since last night. Seeing him at the briefing session tat morning b4 the rafting start was actually really so awkward for me. I stand there with the paddle on my hand and all of my newfriends so concentrating on the explaination left me..feel so much of weirdness..in the air. I even heard some of the ladies talk about him too & it was not helping me neither, it was only bring the worst for me. But I tell myself tat time, I join the rafting bcos i feel i wanna have fun & laugh myself out ..so that I will let off my tense , my pain & relief it to nature.

the whole day had been a thrill for me.And it's rain the 1st time we arrived until the 2nd days when we want to get home. It's really 'sad' weather at Kampar. I got to know some new friends at there....i was so jealous to see them having fun during the SAturday night leisure time. I wish too I can drink something that can make me 'high' and forget all the 'messy' things in my head. We reached KL-PJ around 10Pm. Both my hp out of batteries and yups...it had killed the mind of my friend that tried to find me since the afternoon but can't reach me tat time. ..i'm really sorry, it's not puposely.concidentally....there was no line covered in that area where we stayed & since i put my hp into the safety box at ADeline, i was not aware that both hp was already 'kong'..aiyaaa!

- THE MOVIE-

On last Thursday night after office hour, we went back to have bath & change new clothes. and we off to ..'watch NEWMOON',the 2nd series of Twilight's saga. Yupps... My fave vampire series was finally up on screen, after waiting so long for the 2nd saga come out in cinema, finally it's here!! Yeah!! . The movie took abt 2 hrs to finish & most of the storyline did follow the storyline from the book. And it was not too much of 'changes' frm the original one-while I think the previous TWilight was more different from the original book that I read before. The 2nd one reveal more to Jacob's side cos he the one that being there for Bella when Edward left her. Mmm...I think it had making every ladies that watched it tend to do their decision whether to choose Edward or Jacob if they were Bella. Cos, words that I heard from the rest that watch it will said the same things -Edward ? JAcob? Which one more better? MOre gentlemen? More Gorgeous? More love Bella & deserve to be with her? Even myself had confuse on the judgement of these 2 guys that appeared in Bella 's life. The 'rasa bersalah' suddenly in the definition to choose the best among the best for her. But...hey, in reality..where got such perfect guys also right?? both good looking, both 'beast', both have sweet smile', both have their own supernatural 'talent', both hunky & most important ...both LOVE Bella! hmmm...if only I can be her..hah, yeah..i wish (impossible la!)

Well...yeah, today was my 3rd times watching NewMoon. Just now went out to watch it at KLCC TGV with my colleagues & I don't know why eventhou it had my 3rd times watching it, I still feel I will be available to watch it for next coming-unbored! hahaahhaha...crazy me i guess! The obsession of Twilight have returnnnnnn..!!!!

Just can't wait for 'EClipse' to start then...i think the 3rd sequence will be more challenging one. The book had also said alot of love drama appearance, so...expected to see some..mmmm..intimate scenes there between Bella with Edward & Bella with JACob..uhoooo!! I like it ...! I like it!! Just can't wait ...! Victoria will also appeared in 3rd one, so, more fighting & action also involved, so..i guess it will be more interesting parts then.

The part that I cried most was when "Edward' told Bella that he ill left her, and how Bella felt so devastated when Edward was gone. ANd then, the ending part when Bella told Jacob that 'She love him' ..but..she said ' Don't make me choose'...Coz it's always will be him(Edward) and it will be'. I feel pity for Jacob, i can see that Jacob was truely hurted by Bella's decision. Damn!! It make think of Jacob side pulak! iskk..I'm in Edward side lor but seeing JAcob being so sincere to Bella make me think, if in real life, ladies will be more comfortable with JACob's type ..i guess.

He's a 'Man' in a 'Boy' 's body & that's one good of a thing to know that guy like that will appreciated his love one more than anythings even he had to break the 'rules' of QUilettes just to make sure Bella is safe when they have this sort of boundaries to protect the human from the vampires' authority. ahhh...such a goood gentlemen & a loving person, He love Bella too much seem that he can' accept Bella to be turn into vampire.

okla enough of Twilight..then

-THE REVEAL-

A painful & hurted heart will always be the most weak things in me. Currently had feel it even worst. The guys had being with some one of a kind for me ..previously but i admit it had only bring a huge of disaster for me & myheart. It's like i have a hole in myheart now and i feel not very good.

I told my dear beloved friend on SAt about the things that she never know b4 this. For all these few mths since the last presence of him at here until the day he said those..hurtful words, I never can imagine myself telling myfriends abt wat actually happened to me. Maybe bcos i hated to have any issues with her anymore..cos I dun want to lose her too as my fren. I can't barely think of losing anyone for this time anymore..it's too hard for me to accept any bad things nowadays.

I was glad to have that talks and i cried infront of her for 1st time after 4 mths of suffering myself crying alone in the middle of the night till the morning rise. I did think that i will lose her too when the 1st time we had some arguements last time. I hardly speak up to her thinking that she hate me so much for letting her down & making her think that i had changed bcos i got sumone in my 's0-call' good life that time. But to tell the truth, i didn't even wanna changed myself. Maybe i was do drown by the 'love sweet' feeling that time, making me vulnerable to that love things i used to have that she think i was letting her go. Hell No....! I never think tat way!

I was ..devastated to even think back abt it again. I feel regret that it happened. How I wish sometime i can change the event, the time, days & people surrounding me.how i wish!

There are time when i realised how she care for me more than that guy care for me. Even my BFF know when the time to cheer me up ..& understand my feeling. She 's always be there for me. Only God can repay it as I said b4. The calm situation tat we having when we were 'lepaking' on SAt will always be my remembered days. NOw tat she had alot of newly friends had make me think that I am not the same Jenny that people got to know late. I even tried to talk & communicated..with my long lost friends but i feel the stressness over me, so down & sometimes, i see it doesn't come back to me like it used to.I t's just different ~! the differences matter now. I can't blame her..i can't blame the consequences that i might have if the relationship doesn't work., and guess wat, they are all true...-myfriends that being my advisors, my mentors & my guardian angels...are all true on what they said. I feel.....ashamed!

mm..that 's the matter when i gained someone at 1st but lost the other one after that. It's cruel..but I learned my mistakes..before & after ..all these explaination.

thank you for still being my...friendss & sister! even how worst my faces will be, how i look so pale & gloomy, You will always be there..!

e.eeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

What A day..

Yesterday, Planning to go out early from house to buy the '2012' movie ticket bcos we can't book the ticket online on Friday, it was under 'trafic jam' as alot of ppl going in the GSC online web. Feed Up! I wanna watch it too...!
We went out in the afternoon, found out all the ricket had been sold out. Pity..
So, we bought for tomorrow afternoon show.
Then...after we take a very long long..walks inside..MId Val without any 'tujuan', we plan to have sushi for dinner..what?? AGAIN?? that's all bcos of Cilla! heii..
she want it so hard to eat sushi, that's why we end up in Sushi KIng.
eat..eat..& eat..but..it's very afforadable for us la..since w did make a budget for the eating.
But it was nice.experiences to eat sushi, I a person who seldom eat sushi. but when i try to eat it for 2/ 3 times at 1st time, it make me feel to try it more & more.

it was great day..alot of excitement thgs eventhou we didn't plan any backup plan if we can't catchup with the movie & indeed it make me regain my normal life while waiting for time passes by. Have Baskin Robbin ice -cream..uwahh...and the 'I'm waking away..was suddenly pop up in mymind..hehehe :) (new version)'

This was when we had our dinner @ tuesday..at Sakae Sushi..

EXCUSES..that kills me..

I had dinner in SAkae Sushi just now with my best friend. Baru2 ni dun know why our appetite these few days. Cill been 'mengidam' to eat ..sushi since last week, i guess she missing to be with someone that like to eat sushi..as what she said. I understood too.
It's had been long weekdays & weekends since the last time i touch my blog to upate anythings cos i feel it's OVer..for me to take over and over again the same..'frustration and uncomfortable feeling' .
Sunday...i was crying while i was chatting thru FB line with 1 of the so-call friend that been with this few months. Somepart of the words that he tried to deliberate was so hurt, it make..think for one second, does he ever..feel i feel last time when together?!;
but..it all been answered on that same day. That was the main reason..of why he broke it off? Is there no more love or care that he used to have?
I askd myself this..and it making me feel more sick deep down inside my small heart.I feel my heart beat getting weaker and weaker. BUt, i promise myself and my close friends..that im not going to cry myself infront of them. I just need to let it out..at the back.~
Am i being stupid? Clumsy? So immature ? Or just being normal like other human being be? I guess Yes...I am...!
'forget the past..go front and never look back.' That's what some people said to me.
Somes had said 'he 's not worth your tears..and your sadness'..he'll not bother about what you feel if he really do, he will not do it at 1st time'
yeah..maybe they are right..all the theories & facts of I'm being the victim of 'immature love' which end me up in this PAIN.

THE 'ALL BY MYSELF' ...FEELING

It's had been one week i skip from typing things inside my blog. Kind of a really busy, havoc & tired days..lately. Not even manage to open myblog cos of time consuming. So lazy to open and update blog...!
For the whole week..not much things happened. Only a few of tragic story..one of it was the Kampar's Bridge at the Kampar River was collapsed on 27/10 (if not mstaken) and few young students (kids) missing after drop to the river while they are crossing to/from their camp site. I think it's just far abit from the place that where we used to went -Adeline Resthouse - camp place that we went for last few months.And of cos, i was informed that RiverBug's crews join to give helping hand to find the missing victims-yes...it's sad to know that a very decent children that died in that incident. Just hope that the soul will R.I.P with God '. End of the story.

Tonite...it's a chilling feeling I felt ..All in a sudden I felt mylife had started 'gloom'. I feel that mylife was not the same as before. All in 'blank' ...empty..and alone.
THe feeling yet so ...'tasteless' and it was not good. I remember all those nostalgia that i used to have back in few years. I gained my strength by people who surrounding me. I feel the sunrise when i talk to them. I feel strong & energize when they be there for me..in up & down.
I feel the presence of all life things when they shine on me..

I start mylife not like I used to be...I cut half of my own..life by being silent, i'm being pessimistic in anythings, I rarely smile..I keep my distance..away from anyone, I let myself locked up in a 'dungeon' .
I didn't wish to be these ways. I didn't hope to be trapped in this feeling & behaviors. How I hope it could be just as simple as 'ABC'...where..i learned and I forgot but I will memorise it without it troubling me. How i wish I want to have a life full with things to be happy about instead of being 'sad & tense' about somethings that keep making us hurted & painful. I wish i can be 'Happy Go lucky' ...like last time..
The room seem so small for me now. I saw some of the photo standing at the table, that remind me of the happy memory i used to have.the ...family i miss alot, the friends & love one that i lost either to life or dead.
It all had changed.....
I don't know why i feel so suffocating when I think of the bad things that happened.
I want to let it go...I want to make myself..touch the goodness instead of badness.

THERE'S ONCE UPON A TIME..

Every Photos have it's own stories..and Here are mine..

I attached these photos..because it had bring alot of memories to me..Here are some of the stories..

DURING BODYJAM 48 LAUNCH AT FF-MAXIS KLCC

DURING THE GATHERING OF COD UNIT-BOWLING COMPETITION

DURING BODYJAM -PURPLE THEME WITH JUWITA

DURING BODYJAM -BLUE THEME WITH ZAZA

WITH MUM AT GENTING HIGHLANDS....LAST YR..

ME WITH KAK DILLA & NIZA AT MELAKA..

WITH COLLEAGUES AT PORT DICKSON

WITH JACKIE,CILLA & DODO.. AT GENTING..LOVE&MISS THEM!!

US WITH DENNIS AT 'FLAM' CLUB IN SUNWAY.

OUR ...2ND TIME (I GUESS..)JOINING THE PAINTBALL COMPETITION

HELD BY AMBANK. UHHOOO...(LONG TIME AGO..)

WITH NIZA & CILLA AT THE CONCORD HOTEL (SHAH ALAM)..& THEIR SWIMMING POOL..

BEFORE JACKIE FLY TO AUSTRALIA..WE HAVE OUR FAREWELL DINNER 2009'

JOINING MEE KEE,ZAZA,K.S,CILLA TO CLUBBING AT M.O.S (EUPHORIA) IN SUNWAY.

THE PLACE THAT 'WE' HANG OUT BEFORE...

BODYJAM..BLACK THEME WITH ZAZA...

WITH THEM-GYM CLOSED FRIENDS..AT GENTING

WITH 'THEM'..AGAIN..IT'S THE 1ST TIME WE HAD OUR TRIP TOGETHER,

EVENTHOU IT WAS REALLY SHORT, BUT IT WAS FULL OF MEMORIES.

WITH LINDA..IN GYM, AFTER CLASS (ORANGE THEME)..

WITH AZIE..AT SWISS GARDEN HOTEL-TREASURE HUNT 2009.

AHAHaaha WITH NIZA...DURING LUNCH TIME

WITH KAK AJIE,LINDA,CILLA,KAK DILLA,NIZA & ERIN (MY VERY DEAREST FRIENDS) DURING MY 28TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION..(IF NOT MISTAKEN..HMM)

WE ARE AT 'CHILLIS' AT KLCC...

Trouble WIth......

I did cleaned up of my living room on SAturday..afternoon. I did arranged all the things in the living room just to make sure all the things changed. Maybe I wanna change the fengshui..and I wanna release somethings i kept deep deep down myheart for awhile. I always been thinking to 'clean up' my 'messy' head...by doing these..I did laundry too..yesterday. Alot of cloths to wash for the whole week.

There's been alot of 'events' going on thruout my so-call 'simple' life at here. I had tried out everythings..before. I had feel the happiness, sadness, laughter, smile, cried,the pain & hurt. Sometimes, I even thoughts that I can't 'survive' with these feeling, but here i am...surviving...and still breathing. I still have mylife..eventhou..the troubles still are there.

Maybe God has His Plan for me. I always..say to myself-i should be glad that they around. Yes! I feel glad all the time..that i still have them. Eventhou, I knew there are some part..of 'us' that are still not settle yet. I love them..I love mymum whose being the 'victim' of a situation that once upon a time..of my own Dad's doing.

God knows what I always prayed for mum...to see her happy and blessed everyday. I do love dad...even he had forgetten about me that being her very 'manja' daughter.

Since living in this large city..I just remember that I had being so 'different...' person now. I am not used to be the 'girl next door' ...,shy (of cos I still got it abit..with me),quiet, soft spoken, ladylike...type. Yeah...maybe because of the environment, people & experiences at here had make me feel so different now. But i'm still being Jenny that people used to know. I never change of what I believes. Maybe they saw me changed..but deep down myheart, I'm being the only person that stilll survive in this situation. As long as I didn't be a person that can harm anyone...and forget where I come from..

I an still being soft spoken sometimes, ...cos i'm still fragile..in anythings that hurt me.
Maybe I should be strong, i should make myself ...more independent...and ..tougher than i am now, So that I will not be hurt so painful in the end.

Money, Love, Friendship,Family, Work..and Life.is it so important that we can't survive without them?
I have had asked myself ...few times abt these & it does making me think alot.
I can't run....I have to face these things eventhou I can't totally settle it for good. I hope God can Guide me..
I learned the truth..currently and I have to face it. Mmg betul...sometimes..Life is unfair, Unfair because people who created it. Human whose being selfish..& stupid. So,whatever it is, human who need to realise it & start making changes. I learned it from some of my friends ...there being up and down ..between us, but I Never feel I need to end up our friendship. I dun blame when this thing happened, It had been ....alot of issues going on before. Maybe only time can decides for our faith..then.

A FRIENDSHIP STORIES..

This is a story of a friendship
A beginning of a special bond
They didn't know each other before college
They not even a close or childhood friends
They even close to become enemy

That bond had started
The caring, loving, understanding and toleration come into this fragile friendship
They fight, they quarrel,even had arguement, hate..
but never to have revenge and being enemy in disguise

The bond had grown with them
The treasure that no one can measure
The trust no one can put on
And the caring that never poluted..by any sources
THat's how it was all begun...

Many people touches many souls
Many human came in and out in our life
but neve stay with us forever
This friendship is the strongest among all..
Because the moment never end in 1 day..
It's still moving and bonding even until now.

There was once it broke off
Thru the selfish & being blinded by 'parasite' that living inside our life
The moment of beloved friendship soon
became lost in between of the our unsolved issues.

The timeless moment seems fading away from us..
The tireness of having and solving it not even worth
The confusement of every agendas had distrubing the way of thinking..
COntrolling every each weaknesses inside us, disturbing the mind & ignoring the logical.

Are this friendship will be lasting?
IS there any solution towards this situation?
Are we going to end up feeling discomfort forever?
Feeling disrespect...Feeling fishy about everythings?

The patience & passion of the scenarios
The journey that we had been thru
Will it end without finishing the whole potrait?
WIll the friendship stories stop its chapters here??
However, we still need this friendship to grow, to work, to bloom & to be cherish just like our age..
Let time Decide....?? Let God decide??
Or Let us decide??

RAYA OPEN HOUSE AT KAK LAILA'S HOUSE

Yesterday 10.10.09..Saturday, i think was the most happy and fun day for me since few weeks ago, since the mourns and sad day i have had. Mourns from my friend's dead & sad on the one thing that I think will last-person & situation together.

SAY 'CHEESE' & 'SELAMAT HARI RAYA' EVERYONE!! MUAHHHH TO U!

(KAMI DUDUK TEPI TANGGA KAK LAILA...

We went to Kak Laila's Raya Open House at SS2/20..just nearby our place but..since we can't find the road to her house..and we was lost of direction, it had took us abt 1 hrs..half to reach Kak Laila 's house. bY the time we reach there, it was almost 3PM. hahah, so funny that time. The place is actually near to us but, we seem can't find the junction at all, pusing2 tempat yg sama. Luckily, tried to call kak Laila that time and Azie slowly taking up the direction from Kak Laila from the HP. huhh...

The best part when reaching kak Laila's house, i was so amazed by the house structures..the design and the cozyness..of the whole ..concept. Huh..very marvellous..and unique! We wish kak Laila a happy hari raya..and ..well, like normal, proceed with the FOODS!! so..hungry that time, eventhou i did felt abit of dizzy since at home, and weak..(dunknow why at 1st)..but..i had make myself always 'availabl' for the Raya's foods! Alah..kak Laila said to me 'Sorry Jenny, rendang ayam tahun ni takde' ..tak apakan?? ' hheheheh..she still remembered i asked for it. BUt it's okla, luckily last time in the office during CP's Raya 'Makan2' , i had taken abit of Rendang AYam, so takla 'kempunan'..heheh..

LAgipun, ada kari ayam..lor..jugak..Thanks kak Laila ! The dishes was very ...delicious~! I had mee hoon goreng, kari ayam, fried vege, ah..the most famous one 'sweet and sour fish fillet' ! after that,2nd round, took some ' nasi hempit, and kuih kacang..hmm..sedaP!! Papadem..pun ada..huhu!

but of cos, before the main dish, i took 'carrot cake' from Kak Laila's living room that time and i feel so full..by then. Tapi Makan Jugak !!hahaha..

(KAK LAILA & HER DAUGHTER-NADIA & JASMINE)...CUTE KAN..SI JASMINE? UHH...THE HAIR SO PRETTY..LIKE ANGEL KAN??

(ME ABOVE- WITH IHSAN & IRFAN (KAK AJIE'S SONS)

Alot of our officemate have come and ..it was really a very unexpected event for that day. So "meriah" ..ppl would said. Kak Laila bring us to tour her house..wow, i again amazed la..of cos, the house look like 'IKea's Showroom' ..a real showroom! EVen the toilet was made from glass..transparent..very sexy! hmm...

We took alot of photos at Kak Laila's house..and it was really wonderful to see mmost of my colleagues bring their family and ..babies..children too. I managed to hold some few of my colleagues babies.and they are so cuteee....and so adorable. Sweet children they have there. Macam kami pulak yg single ni ada anak..cos everyone gilir2 mau dukung baby org. hihihi..One of them is Kak Lela's baby son..so cute.(check out the photo later)..

(ME WITH AHMAD-BIG BRO OF ASAD-KAK LELA'S CHILDREN)

<<<------- (ME WITH ASAD & AZIE..) Kak Ajie was there..too Niza, Haslinda, and even Kak Dilla..too..was there..BUt they came late from the expected time. We hang out at Kak Laila's house i think until about 4.30/5 PM..like that la. Kak Laila did prepared us with 'Evening HI-Tea' tu...Bestnya!! only few people left that time.me, cilla, kak ajie, kak dilla, niza, haslinda pie,Jaja's and daughter..azie..~Haha, actually we want to hang out lama sikit la, her house was so..cozy and windy..we just like it..ahh..sampai mau tertidur..actually. :))

(RAMAI2 POSING YER...)

**HI-TEA TIME...

Kak Laila gave us a very nice hospitality....since we are the one that left until 4Pm as promised. All of the rest had already went home..and went to other open house. Ada air teh lagi kena hidang..and fried chicken for hi-tea ....just no wonder we like it alot! Muahh...thanks to Kak Laila. During that time, I feel so peace in mind, nothing to worry, nothing to think besides having ..fun and being happy with my friends..and colleagues. Eventhou, some of the friends that not even close to me, but that time I felt that we are closed at heart and ..it make me so 'touched'. My close fren whose being there with me thruout my life had also acted ...normal-nice to me even we had 'here and there'...issues. To tell the truth, that time was the most peaceful time of mylife in these few months.

A really moment to be remember in RAYA time 2009~!

hah..this was the 2nd house we visited since Kak Rose's house last week. And ..i want to thanks them for inviting me ..to a wonderful open house..Once a year kan? Bila lagi time utk bermesra..kan? Time inila..mau kenal each others and o get to know their life outside the office.

Thanks again Kak LAila & her wonderful family..:)

THanks to Kak Rose too..on last week open house.