THE 'ALL BY MYSELF' ...FEELING

It's had been one week i skip from typing things inside my blog. Kind of a really busy, havoc & tired days..lately. Not even manage to open myblog cos of time consuming. So lazy to open and update blog...!
For the whole week..not much things happened. Only a few of tragic story..one of it was the Kampar's Bridge at the Kampar River was collapsed on 27/10 (if not mstaken) and few young students (kids) missing after drop to the river while they are crossing to/from their camp site. I think it's just far abit from the place that where we used to went -Adeline Resthouse - camp place that we went for last few months.And of cos, i was informed that RiverBug's crews join to give helping hand to find the missing victims-yes...it's sad to know that a very decent children that died in that incident. Just hope that the soul will R.I.P with God '. End of the story.

Tonite...it's a chilling feeling I felt ..All in a sudden I felt mylife had started 'gloom'. I feel that mylife was not the same as before. All in 'blank' ...empty..and alone.
THe feeling yet so ...'tasteless' and it was not good. I remember all those nostalgia that i used to have back in few years. I gained my strength by people who surrounding me. I feel the sunrise when i talk to them. I feel strong & energize when they be there for me..in up & down.
I feel the presence of all life things when they shine on me..

I start mylife not like I used to be...I cut half of my own..life by being silent, i'm being pessimistic in anythings, I rarely smile..I keep my distance..away from anyone, I let myself locked up in a 'dungeon' .
I didn't wish to be these ways. I didn't hope to be trapped in this feeling & behaviors. How I hope it could be just as simple as 'ABC'...where..i learned and I forgot but I will memorise it without it troubling me. How i wish I want to have a life full with things to be happy about instead of being 'sad & tense' about somethings that keep making us hurted & painful. I wish i can be 'Happy Go lucky' ...like last time..
The room seem so small for me now. I saw some of the photo standing at the table, that remind me of the happy memory i used to have.the ...family i miss alot, the friends & love one that i lost either to life or dead.
It all had changed.....
I don't know why i feel so suffocating when I think of the bad things that happened.
I want to let it go...I want to make myself..touch the goodness instead of badness.