Simba's sickness....

Me & Cilla visited Simba this morning and I saw that he was still weak to stand up and eat. I asked doc Thong to explain on the condition of Simba since yesterday. She still said Simba don't want to eat anythings and everytime she try to feed him, he keep throwing it out. I really hope he will be better soon. Just feeling not comfortable to see Simba still feeling down & in pain. Can't stand the look in his eyes that making me feel so pity for him.

I got my headache yesterday, feel like migrain and it was a day to be remember cos that day was the day Simba, my yellow cat that had been sick since last week had now admitted into the vet due to the toxicated urine that he unable to pee out. If it's keep long, it will damage the immuine system or maybe can effect to kidney too- as what doc had said. It scared me when hearing the news!! I never wonder that Simba , the mighty cat and that we took care for 1 1/2 years old have this sickness. -I can stand seeing him like no appetite at all and I tries to check on Simba yesterday morning because he keep vomitting & try to urinating everywhere but ..he just can't urinate as normal yet . I was so afraid to left him in pain and eventhou i have to face that 'headace & the uncomfortable ' situation, I still sacrifice the tiredness that i had that time to bring Simba to the vet just to ensure he will be check & medicate, atleast i can know what sickness he got.

Luckily Uncle Siva, my land lord father can help fetchin & sending me to the clinic & vet.

It was so sad. When the 1st time doctor tu..ckp yg the case of SImba..cuma bole teka by tat time around 50 to 50 chance s of living.

I was so devastated tat time & I start crying the time when i was there. I think the doc and her assistant pun sudah ...mula kesian sia ni. Sia terlampau risaukan Simba sampai sia ndak sanggup la mau tguk muka dia when doc tried to find the vein and poke the needle for the water and the anesthetic drug to make him loss of the pain abit during the treatment to remove the toxic urine& the dirty blood from his penis. I have to be there for him and that's why I'm still inside that room until doc finish the job cos I dun want Simba to be alone during the process. It's sucks...just really sucks and ..I have the pumping adrenaline seeing him lying at the operation table in pain. How it feel to have that pain when the pipe inserted into his penis to suck the bloody toxicated urine that he had been keeping long enough. God know how it feel to be in that condition to see the real thing there. If for human being, I might be more devastated cos I know I can't see those painful, suffering & hurtful time especially from those that I really cared & loved.

I really hope & pray so much that he will be fine soon and healthier than ever bcos i know he's one of the family member to us that we can't forget. I love him alot and just want everythings to be good enough for him. Please God, just help me in this for one time. We still need him in our life.

Please.....cure him!! Pleaseeee...

Confession...

After 6mths had passed by, my everyday was felt with tears & sadness. I dun need 'guys' in mylife.!!.i did said that statement before and the fact was I don't & I'm still actually still keep falling for the wrong one. I unable to judge the right or wrong peeson or in everythings in everytimes, as long as I can be happy for a while. I know it's a big step that I have to take in mylife and I didn't hope he will be there for me ....everydays, I just hope that they atleast, really sincerely and truely love & care for me...for who i am. But i know even the more i hope the more it will not be tat way.

SOmeone ...revealled to me ..lately that he love me..and I was stunt by the msg at 1st. I have no idea the person that i didn't even expect to have the feeling for me was suddenly admitted that he have thisa feeling for me. Its really been awhile since the last time a guy ever say ' i love u' to me..cos everytimes. I was the only one who feel it 1st. The last guy that ever said his feeling was- 'N', my 1st ever ex-BF. It was sad,.i feel I was being the 'guinea pig' for each relationship I had before...to try out 'love' things eventhou I know somehow it will end up with hurt & pain. It's just depends of how people judging..it.

He was a family' fren and I know him since highschool time and ....he know most of my family..too. I didn't recognise him at 1st when we met cos it had been so long since the last time we met-more than 10 yrs ago ..i guess? It's just had been a 'twist of mind' for me right now..cos, at the same time I still had some feeling going on with my other 1st ex...'n' and..it really 'kill' me to still have the same feeling I had before..last 10 yrs ago to him eventhou I know We just can't be together due to the commitments he had now? I really blame myself for being ...dumb in believing such lovey dovey love with the last guy.

GOd , Am i not worth to have what other people have in my life? I asked myself few times when I'm dealing with this issue. I cried alot yet for this issue I never wish I be so dumb ever again.I didn't wish I can have be in this situation where I didn't feel comfortable. Even I did feel sometimes, it's the right for me to move on, but when is the time for me to move on? I feel so confused whever I remember those hurful memories. Sometimes, I wish tat it can be so easy to decide and to choose..but pity ,it doesn't. I cried again just now...cried alot!! i think my eyes will soon be swollen after this..i just feeling to cry out..maybe it can make me ..feel more..relief.

The Uncomfortable feeling

This blog was suppose to be publish..but since few days ago, i was too sleepy to type the whole ..stories.
--> On Tuesday (2/3/10), I had my Lean Training the whole day. I came to the office early morning before 8.30am since my boss said they want to do my appraisal at 8.30am before i go to to training at 9am. But my boss forgot about it and end up she asked me to go back to the office during lunch time. Well, I did returned to level 25th during lunch time, besides, it's my teamleader- Reha's birthday so she had a little party at noon. And had my appraisal, but it was really...not a good feedback. Don't know why i felt this time, the rating was not that good, it was adecreasing rate from the previous one. I was so dissapointed. The reason? Bcos i failed to give an outstanding performance on the participation in any projects that been going on passed few months ago. I'm being passive. mm..I'm so devastated i guess ...but i just let my smiling face ....help me to calm myself down and show the so-call 'chillin' feeling that i feel that time. Hmm..i was..sad~:( I did understand my performace was not as great as before..since past 6/7 mths ago. I think it was due to ....my down time. The time.. i was having the mourn time for the heartbroken things..and some few problems that attacked me suddenly. Then..this is what i got from it..huh, my performance drop and I don't know how it will effect my vitamin 'B' evaluation later. Yeahh..bonus..~!
The other things..that happened lately, was the friendship issues. I got this irretating ..issue with my mmmmm .... friend. How i said i feel the loneliness after my BFF is not being there most of the time? Yeah...i know. i admit i'm abit..'manja'..but..it feel like i lost some of her to other new BFF now. I just know that her another BFF ..deleted me from her FB..and i feel uncomfortable with it!
She just dun understand how I felt when I saw they have this 'chemistry' to be together all the time. ..aiyoo, now i lose her to ...these new ppl. That's gud to know..if she really find a great friend & truthful one but why i feel so sad? Why i feel everytime i left out alone ...?All alone..
All i ever prayed for did happened, atlast ...she was happy now but it was me again who are not happy at all. I had ruined my own mood by being ..'childish' but i never think i could be like this. This attitudes soon will conquer me if I dun stop it. I feel that it had already control me. I always think that she wanted to 'punish' me for all that happened last 6 mths ago. Hei..wat the hell that I am....thinking..! Hopefully this..thing of hating that person will be over soon ..and hope that she will not making it more worst anymore.....that 'show off ' thgs in front of me..cos..it's the root of everthings. Blame me for feeling this way, but when....the differences already appeared in our ..friendship, these are the impacts from it. I didn't plan to make thgs worst but...it doesn 't work good on me and ....that 'lady'...~!
ARRRRHHHHH,.......!