After 6mths had passed by, my everyday was felt with tears & sadness. I dun need 'guys' in mylife.!!.i did said that statement before and the fact was I don't & I'm still actually still keep falling for the wrong one. I unable to judge the right or wrong peeson or in everythings in everytimes, as long as I can be happy for a while. I know it's a big step that I have to take in mylife and I didn't hope he will be there for me ....everydays, I just hope that they atleast, really sincerely and truely love & care for me...for who i am. But i know even the more i hope the more it will not be tat way.
SOmeone ...revealled to me ..lately that he love me..and I was stunt by the msg at 1st. I have no idea the person that i didn't even expect to have the feeling for me was suddenly admitted that he have thisa feeling for me. Its really been awhile since the last time a guy ever say ' i love u' to me..cos everytimes. I was the only one who feel it 1st. The last guy that ever said his feeling was- 'N', my 1st ever ex-BF. It was sad,.i feel I was being the 'guinea pig' for each relationship I had before...to try out 'love' things eventhou I know somehow it will end up with hurt & pain. It's just depends of how people judging..it.
He was a family' fren and I know him since highschool time and ....he know most of my family..too. I didn't recognise him at 1st when we met cos it had been so long since the last time we met-more than 10 yrs ago ..i guess? It's just had been a 'twist of mind' for me right now..cos, at the same time I still had some feeling going on with my other 1st ex...'n' and..it really 'kill' me to still have the same feeling I had before..last 10 yrs ago to him eventhou I know We just can't be together due to the commitments he had now? I really blame myself for being ...dumb in believing such lovey dovey love with the last guy.
GOd , Am i not worth to have what other people have in my life? I asked myself few times when I'm dealing with this issue. I cried alot yet for this issue I never wish I be so dumb ever again.I didn't wish I can have be in this situation where I didn't feel comfortable. Even I did feel sometimes, it's the right for me to move on, but when is the time for me to move on? I feel so confused whever I remember those hurful memories. Sometimes, I wish tat it can be so easy to decide and to choose..but pity ,it doesn't. I cried again just now...cried alot!! i think my eyes will soon be swollen after this..i just feeling to cry out..maybe it can make me ..feel more..relief.
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