i had been wondering tis for sometime. SAmpai berhari2 sya rasa..sya cuba mo pikir balik what actually happened in mylife..and i knew everyone thought that i'm changing.
I dunknow why...semua org ingat mcmtu..sampai sya balik2 fikir..betul ka sya sudah change or wat? i knew i did have myown problems.but should everyone judged me like i changed alot? what else i want to show people ? for making them see that i'm still ME! Sy tau la sya sudah byk berubah since i came to KL..and since my life not that stable..here and there, but should everyone want to judge everythings that I done like I dun have any ...feeling pun?
Even my own old bestfriend judged me like I'm not their friend anymore.i have feeling too. how to say this but, during sya balik KK..sya pikir sya dapat jumpa my oldfiends,atleast i can feel that there are still someone that can understand and care me, just by hearing me. i didnt ask them to lectured me of what had happened along my life in KL ni..dgn apa yg sya hadapi skrg lagi. i didnt ask. When they said and react when they met me..like i'm a total stranger sudah. I did asked some helps daripada dorg ..., but..do they need to say like i'm totally didn't know how to settle things? I'm now living mylife with 'regrets' and do i need to feel it more until i can lost myhope to feel happy ever again? What else i wanna do? Want else I wanna tell everyone? Even, some of the problems I tried to manage myself cos i know..all happened cause of myfaults. Do i need to inform everyone I'm trying to be..mature, to be gud, to be just simple person in everythings. MOney..the most important part and ..that's the main issue that i'm facing now.It's so hard to face the probs but it's more hard to face those friends that can't be there when i really needed them..more hard when you have to face those..words that people always said.about my physical..about face?about my personality?about mylife here? Do they need to say those things without knowing what exactly i feel?
i know mylife here is not that perfect, alot of the critical issues that some of people don't even know but..do I have to tell everyone how i feel? and how i'm trying to settle it now?? Everytime? Siap bole ckp about mywrickles? hahah..kinda funny kan? ANd cos i think too much they said..until i got some wrickles?my face not that happy anymore...and i didn't smile and it show that i'm not happy. That are what people's judgement about me. huhh.... guess what?
I wanna be happy. I wanna have fun in in life. I wanna have a future. I want to have career advantages.money.a gud life. gud family. gud friends..blah blah blah.. I wanna be cheerful person that i used to have, but ..sometimes when that things you wishes can't be that easy to get. I know why? Cos I have these probs. When there's no $$$ & you lose sane in life,and you start losing the positive attitudes in life too,..there will be a disaster! ..i tell you cos this is what happened. Life changed. Your friends change. You lose many friends. you lose those potential lovers/partners.Family ..lose trust on you. Friends keep saying you look 'teribble'..and most important, you employers too will question on your capability to provide good ..service to the company. WHy these happen? I guess only me who know it.
It's unfair. BUt ..i can't blame on God again. I blame before. I just know..it's a test that i think i suppose to face now. i have to be patience. i have to face with positive ways. It's sucks But i have too. When each and everyday, i think of it, of how much $$$ was left inside my wallet and how much i've throw away last time, it make me feel so sad, not sad...but depressed! People may seen it. People already judged. i just never want to feel the troubles that i facing now make me lost of those person that i hope can understand. I'm always being a crying baby each time i feel sad, but ..tis things had making me lose my tears. I guess..i cried in heart.
Who to turn to??
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