These few months...

siaw na's life We visited her again for 2nd time at her home in kepayan last 3 weeks ago..as i remembered, but was surprised by the answered from her mom,and sister that she was again put into the Hospital Mesra 1 week ago due to some issue which unexplained on Siaw na's condition that still not cure yet and still need to be supervise & under control by the hospital. We-me, hsiao fui, Shu tsen, Ai Zhen, Lee Yun was really n shocked when we heard abt the news..it's just not right! We went to the Hospital Mesra in Bukit Padang LUyang just to know her condtiion. It was a scared and 'eery' feeling when the 1st time approaching the hospital, its like we r in somewhere so isolated far away from other ppls and the most part is when you been treated as one. It was so...a emotional time for us when we saw siaw na' there.never wonder she will wear such garment where it's a uniform for the patients inside that hospital. I'm speechless when we got nearer to her.some of the patients approached us..and teelling us asomethings, besides they being like 'kids' but with really friendly tones. i remembered the other one, a lady with some age of 30/40 plus asking whether we bring her any foods and she keep asking us to bring her some foods,any foods..and she would like us to buy if possible biskuts and some bread.., she said she wana eat alot cos she was very hungry. Siaw na showed some eagerness when she's talking. She told us again somehow..she hate her family. her mom, dad and her siblings. She said her dad not even care and bother abt her, he just need to send her into the hospital and she was so mad..bcos of that. She talked abt her mom and she said her mom was not well, n insane. She even again told us that her brother didn't like her, and beating her again. She just feel unsecured of her own family too right now. She keep saying she cared and loved her family and that's why she keep advicing her brother to find a good work and telling her family about all the 'thiings that she wanted her family to have and to be. But we advice her not to think too much of that and her family until it hurt her. When i heard what she told us, see what happened to her, all the 'shadows' from my past suddenly pop infront of my eyes. I didn't even realise what happened to her, it's almost what used to happened to me, the different is probably she have it too much and she don't have anyone who can support her and talk with her thru these. It's just not fair to her for being in this very hectic life and new era which she still can't accept all the changes in one time, that's what make her repeal from this whole situation. I cried the 2nd time when i saw her . I don't know how to stop being sad whenever i think of her being in that 'dungeon' and surrounded by ppl whose got their problems and finally be fill with such negative thoughts of her own life until she want to end it! It's so much same as what I experienced for. I wana tell her abt life which not always fair to all of us, but i can't, maybe it's not the time yet. There's alot to talk abt her, but it's just only inside here cos her life really mean alot! She's a genius student, a person and a friend..to us. She's not Crazy, only disturb. She need our help & support. Works. I stayed alot of time also in the office just finish my adhoc works-like normal even when i was in KL dulu. Alot to learn in Corp.loan& BUsiness Banking things, i still learning it till today and sometimes i find it quite challenging too. Only the problem is from the people itself that make the works not interesting sometimes. COlleagues which don't tolerate with u and always pushing you around, making u look like stupid and worst- they are so ego! ..even in KK! Yupp...I did answer some of the very ego 'RM' cum colleagues that didn't wana co-operate and keep pushing around just to push you to finish her works and granted her wish to get the client's facility done on the same day. The power of the words in email lagi buat sakithati..cos she just don't even care if you got many works to do pun, she still pushing us around! YUpps.. like what we been teached in the Pro.Grooming and Image Course last weekends..-'Just forget about the B.I.T.C.H!" even how they treated us, just don't mind them and let us be ourselves! I do hope it's can be apply in our work life then..hopefully. Relationship Like normal- not always perfect even how he care about us..and i care abt him but it's all just not right. And most of it, come from me! Yeah..i know.. i got some issue with boys!with guys! not I dun trust them but sometime they are too unpredictable, they are sometimes reckless,..lazy and ego! I talked this, cos even my own father have the same attitudes. Or is it bcos of me? I wonder...~? I tried to understand them but like i said it's not easy to build and maintain the same relationship like before we fall in love with each others. Its just not right when there's no fight, when there's no issues and when there's no...dramas. i still in that dilemma to think whether is it 'my call' to build a commitment now or not? I just not sure.. FAmily Fight? Misundertanding? Mom's sometimes irratating ...'manners', its all in one blend.Since come back here, i saw many of the same things. not much of changes..tambahan lagi i already here, the more la the problems are. Mum just being her own,..attitudes and sometimes it just not meant to 'mouth fight' with her, i just need her to understand and become more knowledgeable. I just dunwant ppl to make fun of her and laugh at her due to her 'talk alot' thgs..and 'ask alot' thgs..and she's not even understand the stories sometimes. Plus she like to talk by shouting! Infact, i think it run to the family now..i guess..all talk by shouting?! why hould be that way? Mayb i'm not good enough to be her daughter cos sometimes i feel so down when each times she 'tegur' at me if i did somethings no matter what it is..it's always not good!she always not satisfied..always not perfect for her..even to the sub. of arranging the living room. Again i asked myself why? But apart from all these, the fact is i Love her..and i love myfamily. i know my comeback to KK for them is not good enough since i still dealing with my financial prob till today. I just hope things will be better soon for us..and the 'rezeki' will come easy soon. Just let God decide on that then.:(